Don't Lose Yourself in your Twin Flame Journey

The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.

–Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What if you don’t lose yourself in loving your Twin Flame, but you find yourself? This has been the experience I have seen for myself, JoAnne, and so many beautiful clients we help.  When you meet your Twin Flame, there is the initial impulse (before separation) to lose yourself in them…to revolve your world around theirs, if you will. You are eager to take on their interests, their habits, their rituals to be with them more, prove yourself “worthy” to them, and make yourself more appealing to them.  You have put them on such a high pedestal that the mind believes you are not worthy to share their space. But you are them! You are just as special as they are.  In fact, you are more special.  You are the awakened one!

But immersing yourself into things they like and losing yourself in them is NOT why they are attracted to you.  They don’t want to be near you because you can feign interest in topics they like, or gush over them and tell them how wonderful they are (in fact those are both push) …they are drawn to you because you share a soul. You will find when meeting them, you share so much in common with them already.  There is no need to go above and beyond and pretend or transform yourself (contort yourself, more commonly in this connection) to be exactly like them to appeal to them.

When I met my person, I thought I needed to do/think/like everything he did to stand out to him.  I morphed myself into a replica of him, trying to prove that I was good enough to stand alongside him.  I lost any semblance of myself in the process.  The problem was, I didn’t know even know who I was…at least not truly. I had been so busy people pleasing my whole life that I knew how to dismiss my needs and desires to make those around me happy. 

I quickly learned that when I focused on myself and pleased myself, that in turn, that made my person drawn to me.  That made him happy.  He didn’t want a replica of himself.  He wanted an independent woman with her own dreams, goals, and distinct personality.  This didn’t really sink in until separation. Through separation, I started to find myself.  I had to.  What choice did I have? He was gone, and I didn’t know if he would ever be back.  I couldn’t live life in his shadow, his ambitions, his dreams anymore. I needed to find my own.  I needed to find ME.  

This is exactly what I did. I developed a new set of hobbies (ones that I enjoyed), a new sense of humor, a new set of goals, and new vision of what I wanted from life.  I didn’t lose myself, I found myself. Through finding myself, I have also learned to love myself. I love my life because I love what I do with all moments of my time and energy.

As I continue to grow in my spiritual journey, everything about my life now revolves around me. Not him. When I see myself 5 years from now, what I envision has everything to do with my dreams and aspirations.  He is alongside me, but he is not intertwined or enmeshed with my goals. There is a big difference.  Everything I want for myself is codependent of him and his life.  The one thing that is constant is that I am happy to have him as my partner for me to tell of my experiences.  I don’t need him for those experiences to come about, they are interdependent of our relationship. Just as his goals and dreams are interdependent of me. Yet, we manage to meet up to share in our successes together and enjoy the fruits of our labors together.